non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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