I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
