I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
