So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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