Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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