Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
