I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
