peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
