who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
