She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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