you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
