I could make wine with my vomit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
