Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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