I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
