did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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