Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
