A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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