It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
