you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
