Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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