i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
