I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
