we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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