I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
