from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
