I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
