I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
