OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
