If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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