life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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