I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
