There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need moral support for this bender
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I party with great urgency now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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