Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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