dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
