there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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