i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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