the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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