Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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