shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
