You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
