So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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