What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
