I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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