I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
