nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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