he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
