I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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