how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
