I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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