On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
