Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
